What's in a name?

I'm probably not in the best mood to write this right now, but I hate seeing that little box that screams "I'm too lazy to write anything." In fact I should probably change it to that just to give myself more motivation. Anyway, this is a joke that I've been telling for years. Since my son is now 5, I would guess that I've been telling it for at least 4 years. I may have actually stole it from someone, I don't think I have since there's not a lot of Dora Comics out there, but I really don't remember anymore. Over all I should be thankful for the show. At 2 1/2, my son was all but mute. We were really starting to get concerned. at 2 7/12 he was speaking in complete sentences. However, after a bit, I noticed a lot of these sentences were direct quotes from Dora and her little friend Boots. So on the one hand, I probably have to thank the show for getting my son to talk, but on the other hand I have deep rooted issues with the show.


Continue reading.

I have an especially strong hatred for Boots. I think he thinks I'm an idiot. Let me explain. There's one episode in particular that infuriates me. Boots wanted to buy ice cream. The ice cream salesman told boots that it would cost 8 coins to purchase ice cream. Boots of course is a monkey, who's naked, except for his boots, so he doesn't have pockets. Dora of course is also no help because lets face it, she's useless. So some bright child in the audience had the bright idea to check the backpack and shouted this out. At least I'm assuming this happened because Dora seemed to be listening to someone, maybe she's simply schizophrenic. Anyway, sure enough they look in Backpack, and after some little game Backpack likes to play with us, he forks over exactly 8 coins. So, anyway, Boots, who was told he needed 8 coins, and asked for 8 coins, and was given 8 coins by the talking piece of luggage, walks over to the ice cream man. Now keep in mind that Boots can count, he also knows that ice cream is 8 coins, so then he counts out 3 coins.

"ONE", "TWO", "THREE"...

Then he stops. He knows it costs 8 coins. he knows he didn't say 8. Even if he doesn't know what 8 really is, he should know that he didn't say "EIGHT!" Then he says "Is this enough?" What the hell? If I were the ice cream vendor, I'd want to know what this little simian was trying to pull. Is he trying to barter? Or does he think I'm stupid and don't know what 8 coins is? He continues.

"FOUR", "FIVE", "SIX"..."Is this enough?"

At this point I feel like screaming. In fact, I probably did scream. "Is it eight!?" He knows how to count! it's quite clear he knows the order of the numbers, and he knows for a fact that he did not say "EIGHT" So how can he possibly not know that it's not enough? Obviously he thinks I'm an idiot. he's testing me. I majored in math! I do calculus when I'm drunk! As a child I would divide complex fractions for fun! I assure you I know what "eight" means! But still it doesn't end!

"SEVEN", "EIGHT"..."Is this enough?"

YOU SAID EIGHT! Not only that, but you're now out of coins. Do you think Backpack was messing with you, and didn't give you enough coins? Or do you think Backpack is an idiot as well? You pompous, condescending ape!

So yeah. I got issues. Luckily for me, Garrick doesn't really watch Dora anymore. Now he's more into Sponge Bob, which I'm sure will generate another strip, and an equally insane rant from me sooner or later.